Good table manners have long been part of British social tradition. Whether you are sitting down for Sunday lunch, attending a formal dinner, dining at a country house or simply meeting friends at a good restaurant, knowing the basics of table etiquette is one of those quiet details that never goes out of style.
It is not about being overly formal. The best manners are subtle, relaxed and designed to make everyone around the table feel comfortable.
Wait Until Everyone Is Seated
At a traditional British table, it is polite to wait until everyone has been seated before beginning. At a more formal dinner, you would normally wait until the host begins eating or invites the table to start.
If food is being served individually, avoid getting too far ahead of the rest of the table.
The Napkin Goes on Your Lap
Once seated, unfold your napkin and place it across your lap.
There is no need to shake it open dramatically. Simply unfold it discreetly. If you leave the table temporarily, it can be placed loosely beside your plate. At the end of the meal, leave it neatly on the table rather than folding it perfectly.
Work From the Outside In
Formal place settings can look complicated, but there is a very simple rule: use the cutlery from the outside in.
The outermost knife and fork will normally be for the first course, with each following set used as the meal progresses.
Dessert cutlery may be positioned above the plate or brought out later.
Fork in the Left, Knife in the Right
Traditional British dining etiquette generally follows the Continental style.
The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right, with the fork remaining in the left hand while eating.
When you have finished, place your knife and fork together on the plate to indicate to the waiting staff that you are done.
Bread Has Its Own Etiquette
If bread is served, avoid biting directly into a whole bread roll.
Instead, tear off a small piece with your fingers, butter that piece individually and eat it. Your bread plate will usually sit to the left of your main plate.
It is a small detail, but a very traditional one.
Keep Your Elbows Off the Table While Eating
Resting your forearms lightly on the table between courses is generally acceptable, but avoid sitting with your elbows planted on the table while eating.
Good posture also makes a surprising difference. Sit comfortably upright rather than leaning heavily over your plate.
Pass Food Rather Than Reaching
If something is out of reach, ask politely for it to be passed rather than stretching across the table.
The same applies to salt, pepper and condiments.
Traditionally, salt and pepper are passed together, even if someone asks for only one.
Never Season Before Tasting
Adding salt or pepper before trying the food can be interpreted as suggesting that the dish has not been seasoned properly.
Taste first, then season if necessary.
This is particularly worth remembering when dining in someone else's home.
Keep Your Phone Away
Perhaps the most important modern addition to traditional etiquette is also one of the simplest.
Keep your phone off the table.
A good dinner is about conversation, company and being present. Constantly checking a screen can quickly undo otherwise perfect manners.
Conversation Is Part of the Meal
Good table etiquette is not only about cutlery.
Conversation matters just as much. Include everyone where possible, avoid speaking over others and try not to dominate the table.
At a formal dinner, traditionally controversial or overly personal subjects would be avoided, although modern dinners are understandably much more relaxed.
The principle remains the same: good conversation should make the table enjoyable for everyone.
Never Point With Your Cutlery
Once your knife or fork is in your hand, avoid waving it around while speaking or pointing it towards another guest.
Place your cutlery down if you are having a longer conversation.
Excuse Yourself Quietly
If you need to leave the table, a simple “excuse me” is enough.
There is rarely any need to explain where you are going.
Discretion is part of good manners.
Remember the Most Important Rule
British table etiquette can seem full of traditions, but the real principle behind almost every rule is consideration.
Good manners are not about showing that you know more rules than everyone else. They are about making other people feel comfortable.
And perhaps that is why traditional etiquette has endured for so long.
Styles, restaurants and dining habits may change, but courtesy rarely goes out of fashion.
The Lords Club
Celebrating the traditions, style and rituals of British life.